Friday, January 24, 2014
Return of the Blind Dead
Instead of picking up with the kinda cool ending of the original, as the name might imply, Return of the Blind Dead hits the reset button. This time, a small, isolated village celebrating a local holiday about the undead knights templar (who have a slightly different backstory this time, for some reason) must face off against the dreaded blind dead after the local retarded rapist/murderer decides to bring them back to life for some reason.
Tombs of the Blind Dead was not really a good movie, but it had a few cool parts, and since the director ended up making a whole series of them, I thought maybe the sequel would be worth checking out. On the plus side, unlike the somnambulant original, this one moves a lot quicker and gets to the action a lot sooner. On the downside, whatever atmosphere and suspense the original had is lost here, and the actual story and major set pieces are too dumb for words.
After the initial full on assault on the town, the movie focuses on a group of survivors hiding out in a house. I can understand how a lot of people got killed during the first attack, as no one in town was really expecting a bunch of zombie knights on zombie horses to come barreling in out of the blue. But these blind dead guys are seriously unscary and unthreatening and there is no excuse for what a shitty job the main cast does of surviving. Not only can these zombies not see, their hearing seems very selective and when they aren't on their horses they slowly waddle around at approximately turtle speed. They make Jason Vorhees look like Prefontaine. All you have to do is walk fast and relatively quiet and there is no way these dudes could catch you. Yet somehow these dipshits keep managing to get caught and murdered by these stumbling oafs, often by helplessly flailing around and moving as slow as possible until the knights surround them. It's like they are going out of their way to get killed. Yeesh.