Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Children of the Corn (Remake)

A mildly obnoxious Vietnam vet and his terrible, horrible, nagging harpy bitch of a wife are driving through the middle of nowhere when they accidentally hit a kid. Thing is, the kid had already had his throat slit. The couple head in to town to see if they can alert the authorities, but the town seems empty. This is, logically, because all of the town's adults have been killed off by an extremist religious sect of children who worship a corn deity.

Although none of them were probably actually good movies, I had a certain fondness for the Children of the Corn series when I was a teenager. I dunno, just one of those things I guess. Some people had their Bob Dylan phase, I had a Children of the Corn phase. I didn't even realize that a remake existed until we saw it on the new release wall at the video store. I figured it couldn't be anything but terrible, but I also couldn't resist the allure of a new CotC movie.

The remake is a bad movie, but I'm happy to report that as far as bad horror movies go, it's somewhat fun. It's not incompetent or boring like many DTV horror movies, just stupid and corny. It brought me to the verge of entertainment on several occasions. It has one really funny (though woefully underused) idea, which is that the main character is a vet and goes all Rambo on the kids. I was hoping for a wholesale child bloodbath. We're not that lucky, but it is fun seeing the guy kick the shit out of and kill at least a handful of the kids.


Patrick said...

"It brought me to the verge of entertainment on several occasions."

Someone just made their first pullquote.

Dan said...

Hopefully they'll put that on the cover when they do the inevitable 10 year anniversary special "Stalker Edition" blu ray or whatever.

Get it? STALKer? It's a corn pun.