A Megan Fox look-alike is haunted by a demon searching for a human body to inhabit, who announces his presence with the hilariously unscary mantra "Jumby is ready to be born now." Turns out that the demon had dibs on her twin brother, but he died in utero, so now he's after her. Also some shit about Nazis and curses and Judaism.
I can't say I was expecting this one to be any good, but I did hope that maybe it would turn out to be a pleasant surprise. It didn't take me too long to figure out this wouldn't be the case, but the aforementioned "Jumby" line (seriously, Jumby? That's the scariest name they coud come up with?) and a few other moments had me hoping at least for unintentional comedy.
Sadly, The Unborn doesn't even work as camp, mostly it's just fucking boring. Director David Goyer tries his damnedest to pile on the atmosphere by giving the film a desaturated, color-filtered look. Which is, of course, what one does when one doesn't know how to create atmosphere and wants to trick the audience into thinking the film has some sort of vision.
The occasionally striking images (dog wearing a child's mask) could have been creepy in a better movie; here, they do nothing to save the mediocre material. The plot contains an over baked mythology that you could not possibly care about, unlikable characters (Goyer and Rob Zombie should hang out, they both have a penchant for writing clever dialogue for their young characters that comes off as phony and grating) and suspense sequences that range from stupid to confounding... Why the hell would the heroine peer through what clearly looks to be a glory hole in a public restroom? I'd say she lucked out by getting covered in gross insects. She could have gotten a dick in the eye.
3 comments:
"Goyer and Rob Zombie should hang out, they both have a penchant for writing clever dialogue for their young characters that comes off as phony and grating."
Case in point: "You were drinking, you were buzzed...you were just hallucinating those horrid visions of your dead mother in a bathroom that was flooding with blood and bugs! Look, we've ALL been there! I hallucinated about my sexually abusive uncle leading a pack of rabid flying monkeys to attack me in the stall right next to you! THERE IS NOTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT!"
To be fair, that weird scene wasn't so much an attempt to write clever dialogue as it was just flat-out bad writing nonsense.
ok, good point.
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