SUPER SPECIAL OH BOY AREN'T YOU LUCKY POST: Dan's 2007 Horror Movie Postmortem

Get it? Postmortem? I thought that shit was pretty clever. Go Dan.

OK, I just wanted to do a post that was a sort of informal wrap-up of all the 2007 horror movies I remember seeing. Just gonna write some musings about each. NOthing special, no hard or deep criticism. Just some thoughts.

I think we had a pretty fucking good year overall, speaking as a horror movie fan. Maybe there wasn't an honest to goodness classic, but there were a lot of really strong ones, and then also some bad one's that were entertaining. Yes.

I will split these up into categories based on how good they were, but then will just randomly place them within those categories. No top 10's or anything like that.


CREAM OF THE CROP

Bug
Quite possibly my favorite William Friedkin movie. Based on a play, it's basically just a small group of people talking to each other. And it mostly takes place in a hotel room. It goes so fucking nuts by the end, and the performances are so strong, that it's a lot more captivating and tense than bigger, more complicated horror movies. No supernatural stuff. No zombies. No Jasons. Nobody turns out to be a ghost the whole time. Just some good old fashioned writing, acting and directing.

28 Weeks Later
The sequel to an all-time favorite of mine, this really surpassed my expectations. Not as good as the first, but a lot more interesting and intense than you'd expect from an unnecessary sequel. The first one I love for being one of the few horror movies that really makes you care about the characters, makes you feel really scared for their lives. (This is why I love the happy ending, which I know some people don't.) The sequel doesn't quite do that, but I do like how ruthless it is with killing major characters. Really feels like any of them could go at any time. And, they do.

The Mist
Good year for Stephen King adaptations. This one is well made and especially well acted, and has some truly awesome monsters. Yeah, the CG is a little distracting at times, but not too much. I went in, for whatever reason, with low expectations, and this was a pleasant surprise. And it fits my boy Patrick's definition of a good horror movie: has an ending that leaves you feeling like shit. Maybe the best ending to a horror movie this year.

Planet Terror
It's a funny, over-the-top, ultra-violent zombie movie. I dig it. A lot. And yes, it's better than Death Proof

1408
The other awesome Stephen King movie. Mostly a one man show for John Cusack, and he's great. It does occasionally suffer from my typical haunted house movie complaint: too much of the scary stuff is arbitrary because ghosts can apparently do whatever they want. Still, this is the most skillful and suspenseful haunted house movie I've seen in a long time (maybe ever?), and it thinks of one thing that the evil room does that is truly fucking evil. Nice.

Hostel Part 2
I reckon most folks won't agree with me here, but I really dug this shit, even more than the original. I already wrote up on this one, so I don't have much more to say except I think the Hostel flicks are underrated.


BEST BAD HORROR MOVIE

I Know Who Killed Me
This movie kind of transcends labels like "good" and "bad." I mean, I know that the acting is bad, the writing is bad, the story makes no sense, etc. But it's all so fucking crazy that it becomes fascinating. I mean, some really crazy shit happens here that reaches some genius level of weirdness. And the director over-directs the shit out of it. I plan on seeing this again some day, and you should too if you like these kinds of movies. It's like a stoned, fever-dream version of a Brian DePalma film.


MOST DISAPPOINTING HORROR FILM

30 Days of Night
I wanted to love this one. David Slade's Hard Candy is fucking awesome, and I couldn't wait to see what he did with a bigger budget. Outside of sometimes looking nice, this movie is a bore. Doesn't build up any dread or suspense, doesn't really exploit it's own premise, and keeps building up to disappointing or non-existent pay offs. Damn it.


THE ENJOYABLE BUT NOT GREAT ONES

Death Proof
Not really a horror movie, actually, but Tarantino seems to think it's a slasher film. Well, maybe about 10 or 15 minutes of it reminds me of a slasher flick, but the rest is just Dazed and and Confused with car chases. I like this one, it has a lot of good stuff, but also a lot of downtime where the characters blather on without saying anything interesting. A mixed bag. Tarantino's worst.

Saw IV
Yeah, I like these. This one continues to make the story even more ludicrous and convoluted, and I love it. Especially when it turns out that all the events were happening concurrently with part 3. For a while I thought it was going to be the best of the sequels, but it slows down a bit too much during the later part of the movie. It's too long, but still some gore-heavy fun.


THE "MEH" SET

Wrong Turn 2
Some way over-the-top gore, some tits, and a couple of good ideas, and directed with some skill, but ultimately a mess. Can't decide whether to be a fun slasher movie, or a disturbing one, and as a result neither element really works. Shame, there was potential here.

The Host
I do not get the hype this one got. I appreciate that Koreans tend to make their movies a sort of genre hodgepodge, expressionistic and go-for-broke, but I couldn't even figure out how I was supposed to react to this one. Is it a comedy horror? Just a comedy? A family drama with horror elements? A sci-fi action movie. A comedic family drama action movie horror film? I don't know. None of it really worked for me, although I guess I did appreciate its ambition.

Behind the Mask
A mockumentary about a fictional slasher movie killer. Some amusing parts, but not enough to recommend. Also not very accurate about the cliches of slasher movies, despite being based entirely on them. Scream already did this better over a decade ago.

Fido
A comedy really, but about zombies. Amusing premise that goes nowhere.


I WANT MY MONEY BACK

Halloween
Ugh. And I really loved Rob Zombie's other two movies. I'm not immediately offended by pointless remakes, this just happens to be a pretty bad one. The only interesting idea Zombie had was trying to flesh out Michael Myer's childhood... but then he neglects to do anything interesting with it. So, the movie is really about Michael this time, but they don't do a good job of developing him, and then he doesn't say anything after the first 30 minutes anyway. Loomis is a prick again, but also boring and not as prone to making awesome hyperbolic statements. Laurie Strode isn't introduced until the 2nd half of the film, so we aren't really given a chance to care if she lives or dies. And the final chase/showdown stretches on so long I actually stopped paying attention for a few minutes. But don't worry, we'll always still have the original.

Dead Silence
Not content to make just a lame killer doll movie or a lame haunted house movie, the guys who made Saw do it both in one flick. Outside of a couple of cool shots, this one is worthless.

The Hills Have Eyes II
I'm actually quite fond of the remake. Here the manage to lose all of that film's tension, visual style, good acting, basic competency, etc. What did they manage to retain? Another inappropriate/unnecessary/unearned rape sequence! Yay! Oh, wait, the girl eventually hits the rapist in the nuts with a hammer. That justifies putting a graphic rape scene into an otherwise silly-ass movie about mutant hillbillies. Kudos to you. Assholes.

The Hitcher
Another shitty remake, but more watchable than Halloween thanks to some unintentional comedy. Like the part where the Hitcher shoots a bunch of cop cars to NIN music. Or when the sheriff says, "I don't give rat's cockbag!" I certainly hope you wouldn't, guy from Boomtown. I'm not even sure how you would.

Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem
OK, well, I think this one fancies itself more as a sci-fi action film, but since it cribbed it's location and stock from any given generic 80's slasher picture, I'm counting it. And either way, it sucks.


SPECIAL AWARDS FOR ACHIEVEMENT IN HEAVY USE OF HORROR MOVIE ELEMENTS IN A (GOOD) NON HORROR MOVIE

Zodiac
Ostensibly a true crime / procedural movie, but it's got masked serial killers, a string of brutal murders, people going into scary dark basements, etc.

Sunshine
A sci-fi flick that suddenly take a left turn and becomes a horror flick in the last 15 minutes. Nice.

No Country For Old Men
Just because of Anton Chigurh, an unstoppable killing machine, and those shots of him hiding in the shadows. Brrr.

Hot Fuzz
Yeah, Shaun of the Dead was their horror movie homage, and this was supposed to be their action movie homage. But they couldn't resist throwing in a mysterious killer who bumps a bunch of people off in very over-the-top ways.

I Am Legend
It's got zombies. That's something.

Sweeney Todd
Very shadowy, with lots of arterial spray.


AWARD FOR BEING MISCATAGORIZED AS A HORROR MOVIE BY THE DIRECTOR

There Will Be Blood
Sorry PTA. Believe me, I love including as many movies as possible under the banner. But admit it, you called this one a horror flick just to fuck with peoples' heads.



Welly welly welly, that is that. I got to say, 2007 was a strong year for genre fans. I mean, there was a lot of shit that got released, but if you're like me you could tell by the trailer, so you skipped it.

The gauntlet has been thrown down, 2008. Don't let 2007 make you it's bitch. What have you released so far? Something to start the year off with a bang, I hope. Let see...

One Missed Call?!


Maybe I should read more.