Continuing with the Abu Ghraib imagery,we commence viewing our second film of the day.
Let me start off my Police Academy 2 post by saying something positive: there were naked female titties. Even though it's a PG-13, watered down, teenager-ified sequel, they work in some brief nudity. Kudos to the filmmakers.
Now, the clearest sign that this movie is an artistically bankrupt, cash-grab sequel is the title. Why the fuck is the movie called Police Academy 2 when it has absolutely nothing to do with a police academy? The characters from the first movie are now simply cops. They do not work at the police academy. They do not go to the police academy. I think there is exactly one scene that takes place at the police academy, which I guess excuses the title if you want to be generous. But it's like if Star Wars was titled The Mos Eisley Cantina.
There is a completely different director and different writers on this one, and I got the unmistakable impression watching Their First Assignment that the filmmakers were not really familiar with the first film. Instead of the characters being a group of (theoretically) lovable misfits and ragamuffins, they are just complete morons this time. Like when they start a shootout in an antique shop when there are no bad guys present. And they don't do it for fun, they do it because all the cops somehow mistake each other for criminals. It's the first sign of the series descent from being an R rated sex comedy to literally becoming a children's cartoon.
Plus, they abandon a whole bunch of characters from the original (most notably Lassard and the asshole with the cane and the one with the large tits), and add a bunch of new (and though it seemed impossible) less funny characters. Instead of bringing back Harris, the asshole with the cane, and his underlings as the villains, there's some new asshole named Mauser. And I gotta say... he just doesn't fit the part. You take one look at the actor who played Harris, and you know he's a douchebag. This Mauser fellow, he looks like he could be your favorite uncle. On the upside, Mauser's asshole underling Proctor is a way better asshole underling than the asshole underlings of part 1.
So fucking sellout Mahoney is back again, still a sellout trying to be bestest best cop he can be. Only it turns out he's a pretty shitty cop, pulling a bunch of lame-ass buffoonery like the aforementioned shootout. Hightower is still strong and tall (no more jokes based around his blackness, though), Hooks is still mousy and Tackleberry still likes guns.
And clumsy guy is back (Patrick's prayers were answered!) and gets the 2nd most inexplicable scene in the whole film. Early on, we see him get out of his cruiser at a gas station and walk towards the attendant. He's sort of hopping around and making a weird face, and we weren't really sure what the actor was trying to convey except maybe he had to vomit? Anyway, he explains that he has to use the restroom, but the guy won't give him the key. So it looks like they are setting up some sort of pee joke with clumsy guy, like I don't know maybe he really has to go but things keep preventing him and he pisses himself. Or he pisses all over the attendant.
OK, not a great joke, but I'm not being paid to write a Police Academy movie like the writers were. Point is, good or bad, I'd actually write a joke here. Not the writers of Their First Assignment, apparently, because clumsy guy asks again nicely and is given the key. And that's it, it's never referenced again, it doesn't lead to another joke and the following scene has nothing to do with it. So either the writers were avant-garde, anti-comedy geniuses, or this is the most pointless scene in film history.
A running trend we noticed in the first 4 films is that 90% of each movie is a plotless series of scenes featuring the major characters, and then suddenly some sort of crisis happens during the last 15 minutes and we're supposed to give a shit. Their First Assignment's structure is especially jarring in how Mahoney barely seems to feature in the film, then is suddenly thrust into the spotlight during the finale. My guess is that Steve Guttenberg didn't much feel like being in the sequel but couldn't turn down the money, so they gave him as little a part as possible while still trying to pretend that he's the lead. (This will be an ongoing trend with lead characters in the series, even after Guttenberg's departure). I don't really recall this, but Patrick noted that it was a better directed movie but more awkwardly paced. I think the "better directed" comment comes from the lack of slidewhistle edits.
Bobcat Goldthwait enters the series here as a bizarre gangleader, and he's pretty terrible in the film. But (spoiler warning here) his terrible, unfunny character slowly becomes the best part of the series over the next 2 movies. Here, he mostly just says off-the-wall nonsequitors. It doesn't work, but by part 4 they finally get a handle on Goldthwait's weird style, where he acts almost as if he is another movie entirely. It's not funny this time, but it does lead to one transcedant moment of purest cinema where he offers someone a light, and his hand spoantaneously bursts into flame and he waves it in front of their face. I can't even figure out what the filmmakers were going for... my best guess is that it was some sort of Airplane-esque wacky visual joke that completely fails. But it's so odd that it becomes a truly surreal moment in the film.
It's Lynchian. Bunuel would have loved it.
By far the worst part of this film is a character named Sweet Chuck. (Well, apparently that's his name. I don't recall anyone ever referring to him by name, but this is what the credits said). He's this little, nebbish, anal shop owner who gets picked on by the evil gangs. You know how I said how all the characters in these movies are defined by one trait, and then all the "jokes" are simply references to that trait? Well, Sweet Chuck's one "joke" doesn't even have to do with a trait. He gets repeatedly attacked by Bobcat Goldthwait's gang and, um, doesn't like it. It really makes him upset when he gets beat up or mugged. Like everyone on Earth. That's where all the "humor" comes from.
Oh, and even though this is a dickless, sexless, PG-13 affair, the gay panic is back. Not only gay panic, but the Blue Oyster comes back. Yup, somebody accidentally stumbles in and is immediatly assaulted by a cadre of gay stereotypes. Because that is what gays do. The Police Academy series is the most accurate portrayal of homosexuals on film.
This may technically be a worse film than part 1, but it's just so slight and forgettable and fast that it hardly inspires any feelings in me. We never had to rewind, because the movie is so simple and light that it's impossible not to follow with ease. It didn't even have the wit to insult my intelligence. It just sucked.
In our wrapup, Patrick and I begged that Sweet Chuck not return (we called him "shop owner" because we had no idea what his name was). Oh lord, if only that prophecy had come true. We wished Kim Cattral and Leslie Easterbrook would return to just add some sex appeal. But I think mostly we hoped the next film wouldn't be so bland. A marathon of Police Academy 2's would be boring but easy... like eating unsalted rice crackers all day.
This was all the enthusiasm we could muster at the end of part 2. Note my completely soul-less attempt at making a funny face. A very fitting tribute to the film itself.
Although, I guess Patrick does look angry.
Or maybe just constipated.
Now, the clearest sign that this movie is an artistically bankrupt, cash-grab sequel is the title. Why the fuck is the movie called Police Academy 2 when it has absolutely nothing to do with a police academy? The characters from the first movie are now simply cops. They do not work at the police academy. They do not go to the police academy. I think there is exactly one scene that takes place at the police academy, which I guess excuses the title if you want to be generous. But it's like if Star Wars was titled The Mos Eisley Cantina.
There is a completely different director and different writers on this one, and I got the unmistakable impression watching Their First Assignment that the filmmakers were not really familiar with the first film. Instead of the characters being a group of (theoretically) lovable misfits and ragamuffins, they are just complete morons this time. Like when they start a shootout in an antique shop when there are no bad guys present. And they don't do it for fun, they do it because all the cops somehow mistake each other for criminals. It's the first sign of the series descent from being an R rated sex comedy to literally becoming a children's cartoon.
Plus, they abandon a whole bunch of characters from the original (most notably Lassard and the asshole with the cane and the one with the large tits), and add a bunch of new (and though it seemed impossible) less funny characters. Instead of bringing back Harris, the asshole with the cane, and his underlings as the villains, there's some new asshole named Mauser. And I gotta say... he just doesn't fit the part. You take one look at the actor who played Harris, and you know he's a douchebag. This Mauser fellow, he looks like he could be your favorite uncle. On the upside, Mauser's asshole underling Proctor is a way better asshole underling than the asshole underlings of part 1.
So fucking sellout Mahoney is back again, still a sellout trying to be bestest best cop he can be. Only it turns out he's a pretty shitty cop, pulling a bunch of lame-ass buffoonery like the aforementioned shootout. Hightower is still strong and tall (no more jokes based around his blackness, though), Hooks is still mousy and Tackleberry still likes guns.
And clumsy guy is back (Patrick's prayers were answered!) and gets the 2nd most inexplicable scene in the whole film. Early on, we see him get out of his cruiser at a gas station and walk towards the attendant. He's sort of hopping around and making a weird face, and we weren't really sure what the actor was trying to convey except maybe he had to vomit? Anyway, he explains that he has to use the restroom, but the guy won't give him the key. So it looks like they are setting up some sort of pee joke with clumsy guy, like I don't know maybe he really has to go but things keep preventing him and he pisses himself. Or he pisses all over the attendant.
OK, not a great joke, but I'm not being paid to write a Police Academy movie like the writers were. Point is, good or bad, I'd actually write a joke here. Not the writers of Their First Assignment, apparently, because clumsy guy asks again nicely and is given the key. And that's it, it's never referenced again, it doesn't lead to another joke and the following scene has nothing to do with it. So either the writers were avant-garde, anti-comedy geniuses, or this is the most pointless scene in film history.
A running trend we noticed in the first 4 films is that 90% of each movie is a plotless series of scenes featuring the major characters, and then suddenly some sort of crisis happens during the last 15 minutes and we're supposed to give a shit. Their First Assignment's structure is especially jarring in how Mahoney barely seems to feature in the film, then is suddenly thrust into the spotlight during the finale. My guess is that Steve Guttenberg didn't much feel like being in the sequel but couldn't turn down the money, so they gave him as little a part as possible while still trying to pretend that he's the lead. (This will be an ongoing trend with lead characters in the series, even after Guttenberg's departure). I don't really recall this, but Patrick noted that it was a better directed movie but more awkwardly paced. I think the "better directed" comment comes from the lack of slidewhistle edits.
Bobcat Goldthwait enters the series here as a bizarre gangleader, and he's pretty terrible in the film. But (spoiler warning here) his terrible, unfunny character slowly becomes the best part of the series over the next 2 movies. Here, he mostly just says off-the-wall nonsequitors. It doesn't work, but by part 4 they finally get a handle on Goldthwait's weird style, where he acts almost as if he is another movie entirely. It's not funny this time, but it does lead to one transcedant moment of purest cinema where he offers someone a light, and his hand spoantaneously bursts into flame and he waves it in front of their face. I can't even figure out what the filmmakers were going for... my best guess is that it was some sort of Airplane-esque wacky visual joke that completely fails. But it's so odd that it becomes a truly surreal moment in the film.
It's Lynchian. Bunuel would have loved it.
By far the worst part of this film is a character named Sweet Chuck. (Well, apparently that's his name. I don't recall anyone ever referring to him by name, but this is what the credits said). He's this little, nebbish, anal shop owner who gets picked on by the evil gangs. You know how I said how all the characters in these movies are defined by one trait, and then all the "jokes" are simply references to that trait? Well, Sweet Chuck's one "joke" doesn't even have to do with a trait. He gets repeatedly attacked by Bobcat Goldthwait's gang and, um, doesn't like it. It really makes him upset when he gets beat up or mugged. Like everyone on Earth. That's where all the "humor" comes from.
Oh, and even though this is a dickless, sexless, PG-13 affair, the gay panic is back. Not only gay panic, but the Blue Oyster comes back. Yup, somebody accidentally stumbles in and is immediatly assaulted by a cadre of gay stereotypes. Because that is what gays do. The Police Academy series is the most accurate portrayal of homosexuals on film.
This may technically be a worse film than part 1, but it's just so slight and forgettable and fast that it hardly inspires any feelings in me. We never had to rewind, because the movie is so simple and light that it's impossible not to follow with ease. It didn't even have the wit to insult my intelligence. It just sucked.
In our wrapup, Patrick and I begged that Sweet Chuck not return (we called him "shop owner" because we had no idea what his name was). Oh lord, if only that prophecy had come true. We wished Kim Cattral and Leslie Easterbrook would return to just add some sex appeal. But I think mostly we hoped the next film wouldn't be so bland. A marathon of Police Academy 2's would be boring but easy... like eating unsalted rice crackers all day.
This was all the enthusiasm we could muster at the end of part 2. Note my completely soul-less attempt at making a funny face. A very fitting tribute to the film itself.Although, I guess Patrick does look angry.
Or maybe just constipated.
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